


Up On a Hill

by beautyunleashed



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Sad, he's suffering a lot of head trauma, im sorry in advance??, otabek was in a major accident, wow a lot of angst, yuri is pissed and depressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 09:31:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautyunleashed/pseuds/beautyunleashed
Summary: Up on a hill, there's a lighthouse behind Otabek and Yuri's neighborhood. This lighthouse is where they etched all of their memories into concrete.But what happens when one of them forgets?





	1. The accident: Memory 15

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [treehouse](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9900008) by [spiritedwhere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spiritedwhere/pseuds/spiritedwhere). 



Yuri stood in front of the kitchen sink, washing dishes as his mother had chastised him enough to stop postponing it.

"I know you're worried about your friend, but you can still be productive," she would say, and Yuri would fume. He hated how she called him a friend. He was more than a friend.

He scrubbed angrily at the dishes as if he could take out all his long built up anger out on it, but it only made matters worse. From the sink window, he could see the lighthouse all the way up on the hill by the ocean. From the sink window, he was constantly reminded of every time they met there, every time they fought, every word or kiss shared between the two. It was imprinted in his memory, and along the walls where they marked their beginning. 

Some times he would find himself standing in the middle of the abandoned light house, praying he would see Otabek join him. He would walk up, like the accident didn't happpen. Sometimes, he would pray this was all just a bad dream, that tomorrow he would wake up and Otabek would be standing in the front door, waiting for him with open arms.

Like he hadn't of lost him.

He threw the plate onto the counter beside the sink, and it made a loud thunk. "Be careful with my dishes Yuri!" Came from his mom in the other room. He stared at it, unaware of how angry he had become.

Why wasn't he back yet?

He sighed deeply and set the dish into its correct spot on the dish rack to dry. The doctors didn't even say it was that bad of an accident, but it's been almost two weeks now. Yuri would visit when he could, but his parents insisted he stay away from it all, that it would only cause him more pain. Not to mention the doctor talk, head trauma and multiple wounds, etc, did scare him. He just didn't want to leave his side. He couldn't sit around. Otabek would have visited him every day, he would check on him and bring him gifts, and all Yuri wanted was to do the same.

Shifting his gaze back to the lighthouse, he thought it over in his head. He never really did log the memory of Otabek's accident. Every time he went there he tried his best to ignore all their childhood tales, their memories that molded their relationship. He was too scared it would all disappear on him. He didn't want to have to hold on to that.

Once he finished the last dish, he had his decision. He bolted up the stairs to his room, opened the first drawer, pulled out the white rock they used to write on the concrete wall, and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Did you finish the dishes Yuri?" His mom was sitting on the couch when he came back down, looking at him intently with worry. It was true, she was worried about her son. With him nearing the end of his teenage years and the absence of his friend, there could have been a million things going through his head right now, and it didn't help that he never talked to her about it.

"Yes, Mom, I'm going outside for a bit," he said, and the words tumbled off his tongue like routine, how he used to always say it when going to meet Otabek. His heart jumped at the sentence, and he gripped the rock tighter in his pocket.

Nothing really felt right about this whole thing. It never did, when he went without Otabek. It was almost as if he was accepting he would not be apart of the Lighthouse anymore. If that were true, though, he wouldn't be begging for him to come home. He would be able to sleep at night knowing Otabek is okay. He would be able to be in his arms again, just like-

He wiped his eyes. No. Now was not the time to think about it. As he pushed through the front door, making sure his face was away from his mom's line of sight, he moved out onto the porch, then down the driveway, all of this muscle memory. His feet followed a set pattern, to the street, around the block, and off the main road onto the dirt road that led to the lighthouse on the hill. He could already see the waves crashing against it, leaving foam behind where it was before. Each step to the lighthouse was hard, but he continued to clutch the rock in his hand. He had to do this.

When he reached the door, he stopped and contemplated running away. He contemplated throwing the rock at it and giving up entirely. He contemplated a lot more dark things, but no matter what his mind screamed, his heart yearned to open the doors. Maybe Otabek was waiting. Maybe there was a chance they could have another memory in there, etched on the walls. Something about enjoying Otabek's return.

His heart won him over, so he pried open the old doors. But even then, his first steps into the lighthouse were few and far in between; his heart was pounding in his chest. Nonetheless, he managed to follow the wall to the left until it wrapped around to the end of the dates once written on the wall. Each one he knew by heart.

At the end of the time line, he pulled the rock from his pocket and lifted it up, etching in the date of the accident. Underneath, he wrote his initial. It was missing Otabek's, and that made him falter. They both signed every date as an "official date" ever since they met. And this date...

This one was the worst.

~

"Yuri come look at this," his mother said. "I think this is your friend, here... Oh my god..."

Yuri joined his mother in the living room, who was pointing at the TV screen in horror.

"What friend-"

When he saw the cameras pan over Otabek's face, his lifeless eyes staring helplessly at the sky, he fell to his knees without thought. His heart was racing, and it felt like it would fall out of his chest. What... How in the world is he here? He's supposed to be in college...

"What happened?" His voice had completely gone, it sounded like he was in another world. He wished, so hard, that this wasn't real. There was no way that was Otabek. Otabek was way too careful; he had to be for Otabek's father's acceptance. Motorcycles were so dangerous... But this...

The cameras panned over the wreckage: a motorcycle, presumably Otabek's, was destroyed in the far corner. Next to Otabek, there were doctors and policemen hovering over him, and on the other side of the shot you could see a car with a large dent in the front bumper, probably where his motorcycle hit.

"You don't just get out of these accidents alive," the reporter had said. "If that boy survives it will be one heck of a miracle, Jan," the other reporter said, agreeing with her. Yuri just shook his head, grabbing the carpet, grabbing at something to hold onto. This couldn't be happening. 

He screamed, and his mom came behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He was shaking. It was as if he life was flashing before his eyes. 

"Honey... I-"

"No!" He turned and faced her now, the reporter droning on about this stupid, stupid accident in the background. Her eyes grew wide with the way her son was acting in front of her. He had never cried before; he was always just a ball of pent up energy. Seeing him like this was confusing and terrifying, and she wasn't quite sure why... he was just a friend, wasn't he?

Or was he more?

His eyes had gone wild with anger, tears still spilling out. His breathing quickened and all his energy and anger just spilled out all at once. 

"YOU, can NOT say sorry, you can NOT act like you understood what he meant to me. Otabek, was- no, is! my everything. He is the closest person I've ever had! He is not allowed to die!"

Yuri grabbed a pillow off the couch and chunked it across the room in frustration. It hit the window and fell to the ground; Yuri was still unsatisfied.

"Yuri you need to calm down-"

Yuri shook her hand off his shoulder and stood up, backing away from everything. In that moment, it was like everything they've done together was for nothing. The entire relationship they built together was destroyed. What if- What if-

Yuri couldn't breathe.

"Honey, you're going to have another asthma attack if you don't stop this," she reminded him. He just stared at her. Why did Yuri matter right now? Why weren't they rushing to the hospital at the news?

"I don't care." He pushed past her and ran to the front door. If she wouldn't take Yuri to him, he would go himself. He knew the exact street where the accident happened; it was where they used to get coffee all the time. Would that memory be ruined also?

"Yuri do not leave this house!" His mother was so worried that he would do something crazy; there was no telling what he was capable of.

"I'm going to him." He stared back at her with such determination that she knew they would be no way to stop him. She sighed as he turned back out the door and slammed it behind him.

And for a moment... she really did believe they were more than friends.

~

Yuri wasn't sure how long he sat against the wall of the lighthouse, staring into oblivion. Once he came back into reality, he realized he had fallen to the ground, the rock a few paces away. He stood up and went to grab it, and when he did, there was another hand already there.


	2. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri has to make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interlude chapters are chapters that don't involve a memory scene.

Yuri snatched the rock away, stepped away from the person, and looked at him, glaring in anger as of to why someone else was in their sacred lighthouse until he realized who it was.

"Mom?"

She has never been to the lighthouse before, let alone did he think that she even knew that they ventured here often. 

"Yuri, it's Otabek," the words tumbled out of her mouth like she was unsure of how to say it. Yuri's eyes grew wide as she finished, "He's home."

Never mind why his mom was there, Otabek is home? Otabek...

"Oh my god," he whispered, eyeing the door. She held her arms out, an attempt to stop his next movement, for she had seen his eyes, and just like she predicted he started to run off, but she grabbed his arm. "Yuri. He isn't the same. He's not who-"

"I don't care what he looks like I want to see him." He said sternly, just like two weeks ago. She still felt the same vibe from before; the frantic look in his eye, like he was about to lose everything. It would be devastating when he found out.

"Let me go see him!"

His mom sighed. "Yuri please, he-"

"Mom, Otabek, please," he was pleading now. His mom just stared at him, looking, searching for a better way about this, but maybe it was best he found out on his own. 

So she let go.

**

Yuri was sprinting full force back to the house. In the  distance, he could see a new car in their driveway. It only caused his body to move faster. In a second he was back in his living room, staring at Otabek and his parents all huddled on the couch. Otabek looked up at him when he entered and confusion spread over his face.

"And who are you?"

If Yuri was an ocean, he was suddenly dried up. There was nothing that made his heart stop faster, nothing that made his spirits drop to the floor. 

"What do you mean who am I?" He was practically hollering, staring at Otabek with such intensity he might have scared him off if his parents weren't there to console him.

"Listen, Yuri," his grandpa touched his shoulder, an attempt at comfort. Yuri just shrugged it off instantly as if he were poison. 

"What- What does he mean?" His voice was so small he barely even heard himself. Otabek continued to stare at him with hurt eyes. There was a bandage wrapped around his forehead and around his hands, and countless other wounds, including his arm, which was in a sling. 

Yuri couldn't believe his eyes, and if he could fix Otabek, he would in a heartbeat. Seeing him like this... God he wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone.

But why did he ask who he was? 

"Yuri, Otabek lost a good portion of his memory from that accident. He barely remembers us, let alone you. I-I know it's a lot to process...But you need to be patient with him."

His grandpa tried comforting him again, but Yuri started backing away while staring horrifically at innocent Otabek. 

"No. No. You. This can't be happening."

His grandpa sighed at the state Yuri was in. "Listen, Yuri, it will probably come back in a few days. It happens with a lot of head traumas. You just have to coax it out of him." 

For a moment, Yuri was shaking, unable to believe anything. This was a prank, right? He's kidding, just to see how he would act, right? But the more Yuri looked at him, the more it seemed real. 

A moment later, his mom had made it back to the house. She had the worst look on her face; she was so fearful of Yuri's reaction. 

"What is your name?" Otabek asked again, and Yuri felt his knees buckle underneath him. Otabek just stared at the blond boy hopelessly. He felt like... he felt like he knew him. Something about him was tugging at the edge of his memories, but nothing that was helpful. His parents continued to rub his back and talk over Yuri and his grandpas hushed conversation so he wouldn't be able to hear; the last thing they wanted was him more confused than he already was. 

"Is there anything you remember yet?" His mother said, looking into his eyes as if praying some kind of recognition would wash over his face, but there was nothing. His mind was void of this family. 

"All I remember is... Driving..." he kept picking at the bandage on his hand. He was trying hard to remember, but honestly even the fact that he was driving was a blur. He mainly heard that from the doctors and nurses as they discussed the case. 

"Yes, good," his dad replied. He had a comforting hand on his shoulder, and he was just as worried as his mom. As far as the doctors were concerned, he may never get his memory back. Or it may only come back in pieces. They could never tell Yuri that, though. 

It would break him.

**

Yuri was now sitting in front of Otabek on the ground, staring up into his eyes. Otabek just stared back confused as ever. He finally told Otabek his name, but he was too conscious of their memories to say them out loud. Now, he was just praying being around him would help him remember. 

"So, Yuri," Otabek's mom looked at him for a second, "We were thinking you could stay with us for a few days. See if it helps Otabek remember you. Cause, you know, you two were such good friends when you were growing up. We know you were a big part of his life."

Yuri scoffs, yeah. A big part of his life. If only they knew.

"But what if he doesn't remember," Yuri questions, furrowing his brow, unwilling to keep his eyes off Otabek. He was still so confused. Oh god. Yuri hated every moment of this, why wasn't he remembering? How could he forget so much of his life? 

Was it all his fault?

If Otabek was coming home from college... He was definitely coming to Yuri, right? Does that make all of this his fault? If he had never come home... I mean, they had been skyping regularly, so they were close even still, but...

He had begged for Otabek to come home.

Yuri stood up suddenly and began pacing the floor in front of them, his head down in thought as he unconsciously bit his nails. 

"Yuri, he will remember, the doctors were sure of it," Otabek's dad lied, his other hand's grip tightening on Otabek's arm. He hated lying, but... maybe, just maybe, if he said it enough, it would be true. 

"They just said he needed to be surrounded with things from his past, specifically people. That's why we figured if you stay for a while..." He trailed off, waiting for Yuri to answer, almost afraid he would say no. He was too caught up in whatever he was thinking about, and it was starting to look vain. 

"Fine." 

Yuri stopped pacing in front of Otabek and stared at him. A thousand reasons told him he probably shouldn't, but a thousand more were feeding the fuel that he could remember. That if he tried just enough, he would have his Otabek back. That Otabek could be as happy as he was back then, back when they were something more than just friends. 

"I'll go."

**

"Yuri! Don't forget your camera bag."

He was about to get into the Altin's car when his mom brought the camera bag to him, causing him to stop and turn slowly before reaching out and snatching it out of her hands. She pulled back and put her hands up in surprise and sighed at his chaotic behavior. 

Yuri slammed the door shut behind him after crawling into the back seat and he cradled the camera bag like it was precious jewels. Inside, there were three memory cards for it, each one with a specific label. The oldest one said H'14, which stood for Halloween 2014, the second oldest said Prom, and the third one said B'18, which stood for Otabek's eighteenth birthday.

The three of those meant more to Yuri than any of the other ones. Maybe... Maybe they meant something special to Otabek also. That would help in regaining his memory, right?

But what if they meant nothing to him?

**

The ride over to Otabek's house was silent. Once they arrived, they helped Yuri unpack his things and showed him to his room before going back and attending to Otabek. 

That night, Yuri was lying on bed staring up at the ceiling. He had shut himself out from the family all day because every time he looked at Otabek, crying felt like the only thing he could do. He did want to help Otabek, but it was becoming so hard already. What if he never remembered him? 

"Yuri?" Otabek's mom sounded from the outside of his door and she knocked gently. Sighing, he sat up, "Come in."

She smiled apologetically as she opened the door and walked over to the bed, sitting on the other end of it. She looked even more frail and drained than before. 

"What is it?"

"Yuri," she began, fiddling with her fingers as if she was about to tell her darkest secret. "You know, we want Otabek back to his normal state as much as you do..."

"You don't know how much he means to me-"

He cut off, realizing how selfish that sounded towards Otabek's own mother. She knew, she had her own story with him, but theirs was something more. 

There was a moment that he was afraid she would argue with him about it, but she just smiled more. "That's why we need you, Yuri. Between my husband, you and me, we're the only ones who could really help bring him back. Please, Yuri. Besides, you might know other outlets that would help."

She was convincing Yuri, slowly, that it was possible to bring him back, and he did have other outlets, like the videos and the lighthouse and the coffee shop... 

He winced, remembering that's where the accident happened. Nevertheless, Yuri needed to do this, even if it was for his parents. He could be the thing holding him back from recovering fully. 

"Well, please think about it over night." She sighed at his silence, stood up and left the room, obviously on the edge of tears. Yuri fell back onto the mattress.

Would it all be worth it?

**

The next morning, he sat in the living room waiting for Otabek when he emerged from his room, surprisingly dressed already. Never mind that, though, they had somewhere to be.

"Otabek, come with me," He stood up quickly and moved over to him, grabbing his arm in order to pull him with. 

"What- What are you doing, Yuri?"

Yuri growled and yanked him towards the door. He didn't want his parents questioning where they were going, this was sacred ground. It was bad enough that his mom knew about it. 

"I have something I need to show you."


End file.
